Dear God

Dear God,

Is it true i can talk to You? i know that i haven't been much of a talker, but i often wonder about people who say they have conversations with You all the time... it must be nice to have someone who understands everything, forgives everything, and never interrupts... but sometimes the silence is so overwhelming, i need to talk to someone else. is it because i don't have enough faith that i don't hear You? or i just don't try hard enough? or merely because i only talk when i need someone to talk to? but all these wouldn't matter if truly You would always be there for me...

i guess understanding myself leads to understanding You which leads me to understanding myself more... just a tautological cycle, in a way. but sometimes when i have my occasionally bursts of courage and strength, or when my mind crystallizes when i need to focus... i'd like to think it's You listening to me in my time of need and responding. sometimes i suddenly think wow, the world is great and i should be grateful... (even though sometimes i just wanna crawl away into the hole and sleep my life away) but i don't know if it's cause i'm just a 'romantic' or it's You trying to remind me... that You're here, that not everything is about getting good grades, being popular or getting that guy, that there're other things out there too...

i'll try harder. i'm really looking forward to talking to You one day. when i'm wise enough to listen.

Love,
Jill