i know that i don't talk much. it isn't that i don't want to, but i just filter more things out when it comes to you. i know, you always say 'it doesn't matter. i can say stupid things too sometimes'. but it isn't so easy for me. i'm trying, but i guess it's not enough for you. i need to not feel like an idiot, not to see that 'huh?' look, to not pass remarks that receive rebuking.. and i guess that just makes me too needy of a person.
sometimes i have stuff in my head that i wanna ask, but i just don't. i don't know why. i just keep it all to myself. so yeah, i guess i really did bring this upon myself. i say stuff without thinking, and get into more trouble. i guess saying things that i think you want to hear, or trying to stop you getting pissed at me.. only gets me into a worse situation.
i need prompting when it comes to talking. i'd like to think it's the years of people pouring out their stuff to me, and me just listening and nodding that made me this way, but i guess it's just me. Indifferent me, as you always say, not really bothered by what people are telling me. but in truth, it's just that i take what you say... and the rest i'd think are not important enough to be in the story. i mean, i can't notice what's missing... maybe if you pointed it out i would, but i guess that's just a dumb request. i know you always say you want me to explain more, but sometimes your actions say otherwise. like the 'huh?' look or the 'o..k...', then silence.. then i feel like i just said a bunch of nonsense...
and after all that i've mentioned above, i guess you'd just think 'gosh, that's a load of excuses... yet again!'.. and i can't blame you because maybe we really are different. you can't understand why i'm like this, and i can't understand why you can't understand me.. i have no idea why i can do things to upset you, or disappoint you without even realising.. i guess i'm just an insensitive person or i just do things that i don't think you'd mind but you do.
and through it all, i miss you...
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where random short stories are born
1 comment:
You write such beautiful stories... except this one. This one is still beautiful. It has that flow that's easy to follow and makes me imagine more than what you've written (a hallmark of a good story). But it doesnt seem like a story. rather, it feels like a truth.
Maybe it's because I relate to it so much. The part of listening more than speaking, the part of taking what people say at face value, the part where I filter what I want to say a thousand times in my own head before it ever comes to the light of day.
I identify with this too well. God, you're an amazing writer.
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