A Very Special Horse

Little horsey gave a big sigh

And tried his utmost not to cry

Shut his eyes, tried not to think

He did not want his heart to sink

He looked at others in the meadows

Enviously from the shadows

Oh, how he loved their backs that gleamed

How impeccable they always seemed

He hated his dreary brown coat

The way he ran was far from ‘float’

His mane would never stay in place

His nose was too big for his face

His legs were short, his ass was big

The others teased and called him weak

His mind was not as quick as some

The one girl who loved him was mum

One day horsey wished on a star

That in the future (but not too far)

He grow out of his awkward phase

And maybe even leave this place!

As horsey lay in slumber deep

Something happened in his sleep

A bright light shone, a soft breeze blew

But little horsey slept right through

When morning came, and open eyes

He got a very big surprise

He had a brand new horn, and my,

He even had big wings to fly!

The other horses stared in awe

They’d not seen unikos before

Horsey beamed and said with pride

‘I love my beautiful gold hide!’

He stomped his foot and waved his horn

He flapped his wings and was airborne

He shouted back and tossed his mane

‘I never will come back again!’

Lazarou and The Great Escape

This was my first attempt at writing a humorous story... Thankfully, the person I wrote it for helped me out by giving me the storyline that she wanted, so I took it from there.

Basically, Lazarou is a turtle that has been put under house arrest by Vetinari, her deeno after a cow molesting accident. Lazarou was innocent however, accidentally bumping into the cow's udder after dropping his monocle.

Enjoy the unfolding events. :)

Unbeknown to Lazarou, Ms. Moo was actually the mistress of the kingpin of the fluff world, Mr. Firebreath (who was rumoured to actually eat baby leppits for breakfast!). Ms. Moo (being a very attention-seeking cow) was extremely displeased at not having her 15 minutes of fame; seeing as how Lazarou was practically herded into the (fluff) police car by Vetinari immediately after the cow molesting incident. In actuality, Vetinari had recognized Ms. Moo and was trying his best to protect Lazarou. However, a rushed 10 seconds of profuse apologizing (with a few bows) did nothing to pacify Ms. Moo.

Vetinari had requested that Lazarou be put under house arrest in order to avoid him being held at the (fluff) jail (many fluff cops were said to be on Firebreath's payroll and Lazarou would not last 2 seconds in there).

Lazarou was extremely annoyed at the situation; being a well-known businessman, he did not want his reputation to be tainted and also needed to meet many clients. He could not remain under house arrest! He tried various ways to escape, with the excuse of 'proclaiming his innocence', but Vetinari was a very experienced detective and was well-prepared. Driving his car forcefully out of the house only resulted in him crashing into a fire hydrant a few blocks away when trying to navigate a bend at top speed. Sneaking out of the back door in the middle of the night had him landing in the neighbour's cacti (on his stomach!) after slipping on their baby leppit's toy car. That kept him occupied for awhile as he spent the next few nights plucking out stray thorns. His final most recent attempt of diving off the roof into the neighbour's pool (and missing it) had ended in a cracked shell and some broken toenails. (And also many drunken nights of depression).

Vetinari's was getting angry at Lazarou's inability to comprehend the direness of the situation, especially when Ms. Moo had once turned up at the house with a truckload of lecoons and knives demanding to see Lazarou. Vetinari had had to stuff Lazarou into the spaceship in the garage (with him complaining loudly and *still* drunkenly about suffocating) lest Ms. Moo tried to storm the house.

However, finally it was revealed that Lazarou had indeed bumped into Ms. Moo by accident. The fluff dairy had recently installed a hidden camera (after they kept getting break-ins from orphaned baby wallabies for the milk) and it had managed to get everything on tape. Lazarou's name was cleared and Ms. Moo was finally given her hour of fame when she was interviewed by the Fluff Daily.