Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Lazarou and The Great Escape

This was my first attempt at writing a humorous story... Thankfully, the person I wrote it for helped me out by giving me the storyline that she wanted, so I took it from there.

Basically, Lazarou is a turtle that has been put under house arrest by Vetinari, her deeno after a cow molesting accident. Lazarou was innocent however, accidentally bumping into the cow's udder after dropping his monocle.

Enjoy the unfolding events. :)

Unbeknown to Lazarou, Ms. Moo was actually the mistress of the kingpin of the fluff world, Mr. Firebreath (who was rumoured to actually eat baby leppits for breakfast!). Ms. Moo (being a very attention-seeking cow) was extremely displeased at not having her 15 minutes of fame; seeing as how Lazarou was practically herded into the (fluff) police car by Vetinari immediately after the cow molesting incident. In actuality, Vetinari had recognized Ms. Moo and was trying his best to protect Lazarou. However, a rushed 10 seconds of profuse apologizing (with a few bows) did nothing to pacify Ms. Moo.

Vetinari had requested that Lazarou be put under house arrest in order to avoid him being held at the (fluff) jail (many fluff cops were said to be on Firebreath's payroll and Lazarou would not last 2 seconds in there).

Lazarou was extremely annoyed at the situation; being a well-known businessman, he did not want his reputation to be tainted and also needed to meet many clients. He could not remain under house arrest! He tried various ways to escape, with the excuse of 'proclaiming his innocence', but Vetinari was a very experienced detective and was well-prepared. Driving his car forcefully out of the house only resulted in him crashing into a fire hydrant a few blocks away when trying to navigate a bend at top speed. Sneaking out of the back door in the middle of the night had him landing in the neighbour's cacti (on his stomach!) after slipping on their baby leppit's toy car. That kept him occupied for awhile as he spent the next few nights plucking out stray thorns. His final most recent attempt of diving off the roof into the neighbour's pool (and missing it) had ended in a cracked shell and some broken toenails. (And also many drunken nights of depression).

Vetinari's was getting angry at Lazarou's inability to comprehend the direness of the situation, especially when Ms. Moo had once turned up at the house with a truckload of lecoons and knives demanding to see Lazarou. Vetinari had had to stuff Lazarou into the spaceship in the garage (with him complaining loudly and *still* drunkenly about suffocating) lest Ms. Moo tried to storm the house.

However, finally it was revealed that Lazarou had indeed bumped into Ms. Moo by accident. The fluff dairy had recently installed a hidden camera (after they kept getting break-ins from orphaned baby wallabies for the milk) and it had managed to get everything on tape. Lazarou's name was cleared and Ms. Moo was finally given her hour of fame when she was interviewed by the Fluff Daily.

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